I'm at peace now.
Everything seems alright now.
And when that happens, I never have much to say here.
It's one of those few times that I see life as good.
I feel relaxed and kinda happy.
Had a great weekend, every second seemed good.
Well, it's time to get some much needed rest.
"Goodnight Seattle, we love you!"
Be Seeing You.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Monday, March 20, 2006
The Big Picture.
I hate looking at it.
It sent me into tears looking at it last night.
But if I don't look at it more, I'll end up regreting a lot more than I already do.
I can never decide anything, and I'm about to have to make the biggest choice I've ever made: what I do next year.
The easisest and safest option is to go back to school for another year, while it would be fun being with a few friends for another year, there would be no point at all, I'd be bored out my mind most of the time.
Another option, is the "travel the world" one, I'm just not ready for that, while I do hope to do it one day, I don't think I ready to leave home just yet.
Collage gives me the image of the colour of dark green, I don't like this colour, so I'm not going to collage.
To go straight to uni would be too much pressure.
I don't plan on getting a job for a VERY long time.
Just to do my own thing and not do anything, would slowly kill me.
I don't even know why I bothered thinking about this... no matter what I plan, I'll end up in school for another year.
It won't be bad, but it's a bit bad that given the option to do whatever I want, I end up in school...
This thought depressed me greatly... if I hadn't had a great day on saturday, and a good day today, I'd be in alot wrose a state...
I've been feeling really unwelcome recently... a close friend lied to me, while I'm sure they had their reasons, I still felt a little hurt... and I feel like I've been left out far too offen...
Be Seeing You.
It sent me into tears looking at it last night.
But if I don't look at it more, I'll end up regreting a lot more than I already do.
I can never decide anything, and I'm about to have to make the biggest choice I've ever made: what I do next year.
The easisest and safest option is to go back to school for another year, while it would be fun being with a few friends for another year, there would be no point at all, I'd be bored out my mind most of the time.
Another option, is the "travel the world" one, I'm just not ready for that, while I do hope to do it one day, I don't think I ready to leave home just yet.
Collage gives me the image of the colour of dark green, I don't like this colour, so I'm not going to collage.
To go straight to uni would be too much pressure.
I don't plan on getting a job for a VERY long time.
Just to do my own thing and not do anything, would slowly kill me.
I don't even know why I bothered thinking about this... no matter what I plan, I'll end up in school for another year.
It won't be bad, but it's a bit bad that given the option to do whatever I want, I end up in school...
This thought depressed me greatly... if I hadn't had a great day on saturday, and a good day today, I'd be in alot wrose a state...
I've been feeling really unwelcome recently... a close friend lied to me, while I'm sure they had their reasons, I still felt a little hurt... and I feel like I've been left out far too offen...
Be Seeing You.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
I found that these say more than I do (and there are only about two or so things wrong in the entire list...):
Hypersensitivity
tends to get too emotional, can't take it easy, feels gloomy and distraught frequently, more past than future, more feeling than doing, not confident in their opinions or abilities, dislikes themself, prone to paranoia, affected by the moods of others, broody, envious, ideal love seeking, expressive, dramatic, tempermental, impressionable, swayed by emotions, fears loss and separation, poor self image, gets very attached to people and things, hopeless romantic, focuses on suffering, desires security and support, defensive, suffers from loneliness, feels invisible, fears rejection in relationships, can't control romantic feelings and thoughts, existentially depressed, suffers from depression, prone to shame, prone to panic attacks, feelings guide most of their behavior, can't handle people being mad at them, dreams about a rescuer, daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness, familiar with the role of victim, worries they will make the wrong choices, conflicts between thoughts and feelings, desires more attention
Romantic
merges and feels intimate oneness with others, wants to feel loved, fears being unwanted, finding true love is their main passion in life, romantic idealist, can't control their romantic feelings or thoughts, when in a relationship their attention is entirely focused on that person, desires secure relationships above all else, feels best when they are admired, would sacrifice anything for love, believes love is salvation, gets very attached to people, more sensual than intellectual, would rather be in a mediocre relationship than alone, loves getting massages, desires more attention, concerned about being attractive to a potential soul mate, swayed by emotions, fears having no guidance or support, frequently feels loving towards others
Accommodation
nice, happiest when helping and giving to others, does not mind serving others, unselfish, generous, self sacrificing, other-centric, warm, caring, loving, peaceful, modest, has trouble saying no, has trouble being firm, does not enjoy fighting, very loyal, prefers team victories over personal glory, wants everyone to get along, not manipulative, drawn to public service fields, good listener, comforter, not materialistic, honest, agreeable, nurturing
Dependency
not confident, prone to mistakes, indecisive, desires security and support, fears having no guidance or support, frequently feels envious, not productive without reassurance, gets very attached to people, feels guilty when they disagree with people, seeks acceptance and recognition from peers, dramatizes their suffering, impressionable, can be talked into doing things, fears being unwanted or unworthy of love, never knows what to do next, personality is centered around low self esteem issues, swayed by emotions, can't handle people being mad at me, freezes up in stressful situations, influenced more by others than self, avoids responsibilities, life lacks direction, prone to paranoia, prone to shame, daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness
Intellectual
likes gadgets, analytical, problem solver, knowledgable, philisophical, observant, curious, synthesizer, perceptive, enjoys games of strategy, prescient, questioner, inventive, introspective, relies more on mind than others, more influenced by self than others, brainstormer, nerdy, looks for hidden patterns, seeks meaning, rationalist, bibiliophile, likes science fiction
Cautiousness
proceeds with care in most endeavors, favors sameness and consistency to suprises, does things by the book, feels that something bad will happen if they let their guard down, not reckless, prefers structure, thinks the world is a dangerous place, prefers the familiar to the unfamiliar, wants everything to add up perfectly, protective of their feelings, prone to paranoia, fears being harmed or controlled, suspicious of others until they have proven themselves trustworthy, worries about making the wrong choices, thinks of things in terms of costs and benefits, prioritizes personal safety, more contemplation than action, perfectionist, refiner, goal oriented, trouble shooter, prefers to stick with what they know, worries about consequences
Self Absorbed
does things primarily for the benefit of themself, puts their feelings first, can't do anything when they don't feel good, swayed by their emotions, more concerned with themself than others, prefers personal glory over team victories, pleasure seeker, uses their looks to get what they want, gets angry when they don't get what they want, dramatizes their suffering, wealth seeking, superficial, manipulative, narcissistic
trait snapshot:
paranoid tendencies, irritable, anxious, fidgety, dependent, worrying, emotionally sensitive, prone to regret, depressed, second guesses self, somewhat fragile, dislikes change, prefers organized to unpredictable, suspicious, phobic, craves attention, not a risk taker, low self control, very sensitive to criticism, unadventurous, does not make friends easily, defensive, obsessive, low self esteem
Results:
Extraversion |||||||||||| 43%
Stability |||| 20%
Orderliness |||||||||||| 43%
Accommodation |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Interdependence |||||||||||||| 56%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||| 70%
Mystical |||||||||||| 50%
Artistic |||| 16%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism |||| 16%
Materialism || 10%
Narcissism || 10%
Adventurousness |||| 16%
Work ethic |||| 16%
Self absorbed |||||||||||||||| 63%
Conflict seeking || 10%
Need to dominate |||| 16%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Avoidant |||||||||| 36%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||| 56%
Wealth |||| 16%
Dependency |||||||||||||||| 70%
Change averse |||||||||||| 50%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56%
Individuality |||||||||| 36%
Sexuality |||||||||||| 43%
Peter pan complex |||||||||| 36%
Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Physical fitness |||||| 24%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 43%
Paranoia |||||||||| 36%
Vanity || 10%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Female cliche |||||| 30%
tends to get too emotional, can't take it easy, feels gloomy and distraught frequently, more past than future, more feeling than doing, not confident in their opinions or abilities, dislikes themself, prone to paranoia, affected by the moods of others, broody, envious, ideal love seeking, expressive, dramatic, tempermental, impressionable, swayed by emotions, fears loss and separation, poor self image, gets very attached to people and things, hopeless romantic, focuses on suffering, desires security and support, defensive, suffers from loneliness, feels invisible, fears rejection in relationships, can't control romantic feelings and thoughts, existentially depressed, suffers from depression, prone to shame, prone to panic attacks, feelings guide most of their behavior, can't handle people being mad at them, dreams about a rescuer, daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness, familiar with the role of victim, worries they will make the wrong choices, conflicts between thoughts and feelings, desires more attention
Romantic
merges and feels intimate oneness with others, wants to feel loved, fears being unwanted, finding true love is their main passion in life, romantic idealist, can't control their romantic feelings or thoughts, when in a relationship their attention is entirely focused on that person, desires secure relationships above all else, feels best when they are admired, would sacrifice anything for love, believes love is salvation, gets very attached to people, more sensual than intellectual, would rather be in a mediocre relationship than alone, loves getting massages, desires more attention, concerned about being attractive to a potential soul mate, swayed by emotions, fears having no guidance or support, frequently feels loving towards others
Accommodation
nice, happiest when helping and giving to others, does not mind serving others, unselfish, generous, self sacrificing, other-centric, warm, caring, loving, peaceful, modest, has trouble saying no, has trouble being firm, does not enjoy fighting, very loyal, prefers team victories over personal glory, wants everyone to get along, not manipulative, drawn to public service fields, good listener, comforter, not materialistic, honest, agreeable, nurturing
Dependency
not confident, prone to mistakes, indecisive, desires security and support, fears having no guidance or support, frequently feels envious, not productive without reassurance, gets very attached to people, feels guilty when they disagree with people, seeks acceptance and recognition from peers, dramatizes their suffering, impressionable, can be talked into doing things, fears being unwanted or unworthy of love, never knows what to do next, personality is centered around low self esteem issues, swayed by emotions, can't handle people being mad at me, freezes up in stressful situations, influenced more by others than self, avoids responsibilities, life lacks direction, prone to paranoia, prone to shame, daydreams about people to maintain a sense of closeness
Intellectual
likes gadgets, analytical, problem solver, knowledgable, philisophical, observant, curious, synthesizer, perceptive, enjoys games of strategy, prescient, questioner, inventive, introspective, relies more on mind than others, more influenced by self than others, brainstormer, nerdy, looks for hidden patterns, seeks meaning, rationalist, bibiliophile, likes science fiction
Cautiousness
proceeds with care in most endeavors, favors sameness and consistency to suprises, does things by the book, feels that something bad will happen if they let their guard down, not reckless, prefers structure, thinks the world is a dangerous place, prefers the familiar to the unfamiliar, wants everything to add up perfectly, protective of their feelings, prone to paranoia, fears being harmed or controlled, suspicious of others until they have proven themselves trustworthy, worries about making the wrong choices, thinks of things in terms of costs and benefits, prioritizes personal safety, more contemplation than action, perfectionist, refiner, goal oriented, trouble shooter, prefers to stick with what they know, worries about consequences
Self Absorbed
does things primarily for the benefit of themself, puts their feelings first, can't do anything when they don't feel good, swayed by their emotions, more concerned with themself than others, prefers personal glory over team victories, pleasure seeker, uses their looks to get what they want, gets angry when they don't get what they want, dramatizes their suffering, wealth seeking, superficial, manipulative, narcissistic
trait snapshot:
paranoid tendencies, irritable, anxious, fidgety, dependent, worrying, emotionally sensitive, prone to regret, depressed, second guesses self, somewhat fragile, dislikes change, prefers organized to unpredictable, suspicious, phobic, craves attention, not a risk taker, low self control, very sensitive to criticism, unadventurous, does not make friends easily, defensive, obsessive, low self esteem
Results:
Extraversion |||||||||||| 43%
Stability |||| 20%
Orderliness |||||||||||| 43%
Accommodation |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Interdependence |||||||||||||| 56%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||| 70%
Mystical |||||||||||| 50%
Artistic |||| 16%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism |||| 16%
Materialism || 10%
Narcissism || 10%
Adventurousness |||| 16%
Work ethic |||| 16%
Self absorbed |||||||||||||||| 63%
Conflict seeking || 10%
Need to dominate |||| 16%
Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Avoidant |||||||||| 36%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||| 56%
Wealth |||| 16%
Dependency |||||||||||||||| 70%
Change averse |||||||||||| 50%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56%
Individuality |||||||||| 36%
Sexuality |||||||||||| 43%
Peter pan complex |||||||||| 36%
Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Physical fitness |||||| 24%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 43%
Paranoia |||||||||| 36%
Vanity || 10%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Female cliche |||||| 30%
Monday, March 06, 2006
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Forever are the ways of old.
Behind the masking sun of the valley, rises the oak.
Beyond the walls surrounding the torches and the masses,
Only the corpses of the video and the jumpers remain.
The sea is silent now.
Before the tides of the unknown, after the winds of innoence,
Lies, forbidden to all, the jacket, the jacket of hope.
For the days are claming, the nights worthwhile.
Maddening it is, when you see the factories, the roads,
Winding along to nowhere, the buses scam, and trains plan.
When bays are wet and days are long, beware the ford driving in your beer.
The castles are still standing, the passing fiddle player says,
Forever are the ways of old, tomorrow it will change.
It will return, it will reset.
Before this, in the chaos, there was a harmony, a balance,
While this gone, it will return, sometime, somewhere.
Time.
Time is here, not there.
Be Seeing You.
Beyond the walls surrounding the torches and the masses,
Only the corpses of the video and the jumpers remain.
The sea is silent now.
Before the tides of the unknown, after the winds of innoence,
Lies, forbidden to all, the jacket, the jacket of hope.
For the days are claming, the nights worthwhile.
Maddening it is, when you see the factories, the roads,
Winding along to nowhere, the buses scam, and trains plan.
When bays are wet and days are long, beware the ford driving in your beer.
The castles are still standing, the passing fiddle player says,
Forever are the ways of old, tomorrow it will change.
It will return, it will reset.
Before this, in the chaos, there was a harmony, a balance,
While this gone, it will return, sometime, somewhere.
Time.
Time is here, not there.
Be Seeing You.
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