Whenever I feel like I'm asking too many questions...

I don't post.
be seeing you.

Short Spin.

Have a day,
have a night,
a place to fight.

Fight the thought,
fight the feeling,
don't accept the beating.

Beating the wolfs,
beating the crows,
forgetting all the woe.

I am what I am,
I do what I do,
I may not be popeye, but what else will I do.

The night refuses to speak,
the day grows restless,
and the fight goes on.

As all sturcture is lost,
as all patteren leaves,
remember not the way, but the meaning.

Therein lies hope,
not in a last ray nor final curtain,
but in the very existance of being.

Am I to ignore them?
Am I to find a difference?
No, there is no need as there is no feeding.

To forget is to lose,
To fall is to fight,
To fight while falling in flight, causes forgettfulness.

Below the fast four,
Above the exploding five,
Be Seeing You, after this dream.

well, I found my comments...

yeah... I just didn't bother clicking the "moderate comments" button since I didn't think I had any to moderate...>_>....

I'm a bit better...

I think I just needed to let some of it out last night with that post.
I don't have much to say really.
be seeing you.

I feel crap...

I just keep getting the feeling alot of people hate me and just aren't telling me... I've been lied to and forgotten about too much recently... I just feel like hiding in a little hole and crying... even if some of it is paranoina... there's very lttle real proof... just a bunch of stuff that's happened that would make me feel crap anyway... this blog is an example, a weak example since it doesn't bother me as much as some things, but still: 50 posts, 0 comments.
It's just the being left out of everything, some people that just really try to avoid me... I'm always asked why I do something when it involes anyone else, it's like constantly being asked "why are you here?" and I have a hard enough time making choices in the first place nevermind having to come up with reasons for them... I end up saying something in the end, but I'm then just constantly asked "why?"... I've never seen anyone else get asked why they choose to go somewhere or do something, but maybe that's because they already have the reason that they're friends... making me not, therefore hated....
And that's just one thing that happens... it's useally only by pure luck that I get told about anything that's happening, only recently have I been personally told about events... it's annoying me that I can only really express the things which don't affect me in the long run, I really wish I could say what I'm talking about...
it's also reactions whenever I'm around...
I've always been rubbish in groups, and now I just feel really unwelcome as well.
I'm tired of all this crap...
It's probaly nothing but I can't stop thinking about it...
my space has been taken over time, everyone's a better friend than I am, so I'll just go to bed.
be seeing you.

Meh.

I feel like writing some crap.
Or alteratively I could say the same thing over and over again in such a way as to make it seem like I'm saying something different each time.
Explaining everything with just a slight change to what it was before, showing each stance to be a lot more than the basics of what they really are.
Using words long or short to express this never changing statement, and although it may look like it's ever changing, it's just staying in the past.
And while it's also here too, doesn't mean I'm going to stop this endless loop, that I'm sure it's repetitiveness has bored you all, if you can see.
But then again, if you can't, then this must be exciting, looking forward to the next time you'll be told the same thing, re-worded so much.
But before you stop, I'll just say that I'm been saying this alot, and that you may not have noticed this wheel of speech and text, turning all around you.
The over typing of unmoving information that this is just as it was the sentance before, doesn't seem like it, does it? sitting there it must be confuseing...
Even if I have changed quite a bit, all the stuff is still in being, order and view point are all over the place, but you can't get anymore from this than you already have.
some crap.
be seeing you.

Words have their limits.

Words can't explain everything, they are limited to their meanings. I've come across many things which are byond these meanings, complex feelings, thoughts that would take essays to fully explain.
I think that what I want to say here, I couldn't say using words.
Be Seeing You.

less paranoid.

thanks to some help, I'm getting over the extreme paranoia I was having, while I still think some of it is true, and some of it may be, I am mostly alright now.
I might start working for my highers for the first time all year tomorrow... my plan was to start today, but a lot of unexpected stuff happened during a walk I had and so I got home after 12am , having left at 2pm... I'll get something done at some point, I really need to.
Now, I'm hungry and it's 20 to 4 in the morning, time to go to bed and look forward to breakfast.
Be Seeing You.