I just keep getting the feeling alot of people hate me and just aren't telling me... I've been lied to and forgotten about too much recently... I just feel like hiding in a little hole and crying... even if some of it is paranoina... there's very lttle real proof... just a bunch of stuff that's happened that would make me feel crap anyway... this blog is an example, a weak example since it doesn't bother me as much as some things, but still: 50 posts, 0 comments.
It's just the being left out of everything, some people that just really try to avoid me... I'm always asked why I do something when it involes anyone else, it's like constantly being asked "why are you here?" and I have a hard enough time making choices in the first place nevermind having to come up with reasons for them... I end up saying something in the end, but I'm then just constantly asked "why?"... I've never seen anyone else get asked why they choose to go somewhere or do something, but maybe that's because they already have the reason that they're friends... making me not, therefore hated....
And that's just one thing that happens... it's useally only by pure luck that I get told about anything that's happening, only recently have I been personally told about events... it's annoying me that I can only really express the things which don't affect me in the long run, I really wish I could say what I'm talking about...
it's also reactions whenever I'm around...
I've always been rubbish in groups, and now I just feel really unwelcome as well.
I'm tired of all this crap...
It's probaly nothing but I can't stop thinking about it...
my space has been taken over time, everyone's a better friend than I am, so I'll just go to bed.
be seeing you.
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3 comments:
this isnt a very comment friendly blog, tbh.
and you're not un-included in everything, you're on my blog list and have been for a very long time. i read this blog regularly, and you're posts are usually really good. very different, which is refreshing in these times when every other blog is "god, im so emo".
cheer up, you'll live longer.
It's true, this blog you kinda rwad and go 'ah' and it feels slightly intrusive to say anything about it.
It's like a diary that you're giving us a glimpse at.
Well you are not the only one. I never usually find anything out in enough time... Usually on the day I find out!
If you feel so insecure, as you apparently do. Why not make friends in other groups of people? Come in earlier to school and join in the conversation with Shazad, John and so.
Oh and I got myself a blog, just to say. Not that it will be getting updated often, mainly due to lack of internet connection!
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