Today, I found out that the person who I care about the most dosen't feel a thing for me. It hasn't hit me yet, but I know it will. the second I found out, I started to post this:
I'm ok now... but I know that later tonight I'll be trying to kill myself as it all sets in... I'll need help later, or soon... just someone watch out for me... I don't want to do anything crazy... it'll be triggered by music, or something that gives me memories...
well... tonight will be fun, while I'm ok right now in this sort of in shock time, I'll be sobbing by midnight... ok, and would someone remind me not to make what ahould have been in my blog apper here, because now I feel I'm forceing this on you all... maybe this what I want to do... I'm not sure at this time what I'm thinking, if I stop to think about that onlly bad things will come of it...
I know I will get over all this in time, but since this is the first night of it, I'm going to find it tough. Ii surieved this before, but now my reason for survieveing is gone, this what's wrong in the first place, but as I said, I'm ok just now, I'm going to keep this up for as long as I can... it helps me think about things with reason, before I get overcome by emotion and all reason gose out the window and I just feel like dying... this will all happen, I've been through it once before, but it was a lot wrose then... there was more negitve reason and I wasn't ready, I have more defences now, more walls, they'll all fall down in a few hours, I can see this coming yet there's nothing I can do about it. Nothing may happen to me, or this could be it, I don't know yet.
"This is the end, my only friend, the end." --the doors
I could put that in better words, but I don't want to think about the meaning of the words.
be seeing you.
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1 comment:
*sniffs the air*
I smell something in the air tonight, can you smell it too? Its quite distinctive. Something I call 'essence of emo'... Whats that your pillows so wet with tears that you can't sleep ? Fuck you! Stop worrying about the little shitty things in your life (such as 'my girl friend dumped me boo hoo hoo') take a step back, look at the bigger picture. Although just now you think your life is meaningless, you'll soon look back and realise how stupid you were. Just look at your writing for example, you've got skill kid, you've got skill. So wake up and smell the coffee, there's more to life than just crying over the past.
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